Yhyjyk

I have a coworker, whom I have good professional relationships with (let's call her Jane). Jane and I are at the same level in the company hierarchy (small company of about 10-15 people). Jane recently went on a maternity leave for a couple of months and came back into the office a few weeks ago.

Ever since she came back, I noticed that Jane started to use extensively and without the slightest discretion her breast pump all around the office (not only at her desk but also in the break room), while still covering her breast. Not only that but I would also find her refilling her pump using the water from the boiler, while other people are serving themselves coffee/tea.

This morning I meant to drop my lunch in the fridge when I saw her pump laying next to food and beverages.

I am starting to be a little bit disturbed by the omnipresence of this device around the office but nobody seemed to have complained about it yet.

My question is: Is this something I should/could raise ? If yes, how should I address this concern of mine, without sounding misogynistic or inconsiderate (I am a male in my 20s). Should I just talk to her or bring it up to my boss ?

So, the first thing to accept is that this sucks worse for her than it does for you. You're creeped out by the reminder that we're mammals, and female mammals use their secondary sexual characteristics to lactate in order to feed their children. She has to deal with the breast pump, and everything that goes with it. That thing is uncomfortable. It is a hassle. It causes mild unpleasant medium-term physiological side-effects when around construction equipment. Really, this isn't about you.

Fortunately for both of you, it'll eventually be over. In the meantime... unfortunately, you basically can't raise the issue without risking sounding misogynistic or insensitive. There are enough inconsiderate and/or misogynistic young men out there that that well is well and truly poisoned. Still, it's causing you some distress, and it seems like she might be letting things go a bit further than she should be. I'd say you have two reasonable choices.

The first, if she's usually pretty reasonable about things, is that you ask. Let yourself show your embarrassment, apologize for bringing it up, and express that it has made you feel uncomfortable. Ask for a few, small things. For example, request that she not breast pump while in a meeting with you (perhaps rescheduling when necessary), and perhaps that she bring a plastic bag to put around the pump while she keeps it in the fridge. If she's reasonable, she should respond well enough to such requests. Maybe ask if there's anything you can do to help. Showing that you're aware that she's a person who's also dealing with stuff right now (and as a new mom, she is absolutely dealing with Stuff) will help fend off the appearance of insensitivity.

The second is to bring it up to someone else. Speak to one of your coworkers who is not a 20-something male (looking for older, female, has had kids, in position of authority), express your uncertainty and discomfort about the matter, and ask for advice from them. First, they'll have a better perspective on the matter than we will. Second, they may approach your coworker themselves, and they'll have much better standing to address the issue.

This is an issue you should raise with your employer, not Jane. In the U.S., by law, companies are required to provide a space for Jane to use the breast pump. There are a few reasons why she is doing what she is doing:

• She is unaware of the proper location


• Your company does not have a location


• She doesn't care

You should mention this to your employer and ask them to inform Jane of the proper place at your place of work for using the breast pump.

Your coworker has a biological need. You should respect that. She needs to pump regularly. It's part of the process and failure to do so can negatively effect her supply. Depending on locale this also may very well be protected.

Lets talk a little bit about your points though.

Jane started to use extensively and without the slightest discretion
her breast pump all around the office (not only at her desk but also
in the break room), while still covering her breast.

Should she be ashamed? Relegated to some hidden place? (If you say bathroom you should know that that is unhygienic and would constitute a catasrophic risk for the baby.) Maybe a dark unlit closet somewhere? Her needs shouldn't make her coexistence untenable.

Not only that but I would also find her refilling her pump using the
water from the boiler, while other people are serving themselves
coffee/tea.

She needs to clean out the apparatus. It's a hygiene issue again. Once again bathroom is not an option. Any other suggestions?

This morning I meant to drop my lunch in the fridge when I saw her
pump laying next to food and beverages.

It's milk. It requires refrigerated storage.

In short: Let this one go!

Definitely mention something. This is making you uncomfortable. That’s all you need to say. Ask if there’s some fire of time frame to work out or some sort of area it can be done to stay out of your path. Maybe the break room and put a sign on the door?

Unfortunately, the way things are these days, it's difficult to raise these types of issues even in an innocent way without being labeled as an "-ist" (in this case, "sexist" would be the word of choice for you). That said, if this coworker is leaving her breast pump in the kitchen where food is to be stored/prepared/eaten, that's simply unsanitary. The issue should be raised, and the more people who raise it the better, and you can be one of them.

Whether you raise this concern with Jane directly or with management depends largely on your relationship with those in question. If you and Jane are on medium terms, then a simple "hey, I know you use this device, but it's kind of unsanitary to leave it lying around, especially in the kitchen, could you be a bit more careful?" might not be bad. If you and Jane are simply acquaintances, then I wouldn't bring it up with her directly and instead raise it with either her manager or with HR as a safety concern. Try to come at the problem clearly from a place which is difficult to argue about; workplace safety is something that all companies should practice and respect. That said, in today's political climate that doesn't necessarily mean you will be excused from the "-ist" label anyway, and if you do, well, govern yourself accordingly (personally speaking, I wouldn't want to work for such a company).

EDIT: As for specifically the issue about using it all the time, if it makes you uncomfortable, once again: If you and Jane are on good terms, mention that to her, in a friendly and professional way (if you are not on good terms, then mention it to her manager, once again, in a professional way). As professionals, it should be mutually agreed to not do things which cause the other discomfort, and if you make it known to her that this causes you discomfort, then you should expect that she should do whatever possible to mitigate your discomfort, just as you would do for her if the situation was reversed. If, however, you simply noted that this was a thing she does but you don't really care, then don't raise it at all and let her do her thing.