Yhyjyk

I'm Jewish. My middle-grade fantasy novel is very Jewish. Most of my characters are either Jews or converts/future converts or people with at least one Jewish grandparent. But some are not.

My main character, Ruth age 12, is 100% of Jewish ancestry but has been raised secular. She lives in the United States in 1995. She starts to get external thoughts in her head about religious things, leading her to organize her family's first Passover seder. Then she hears voices. (Later, she starts to have visions—quick time-travel flashes to Ancient Egypt—but she doesn't mention them here.)

She confides in Phoebe, her best friend who is also her first cousin. Phoebe's mother, Pam, overhears and joins the conversation. Pam was raised in a black Baptist church in Houston, Texas and married a Jewish man she met in college. Then they moved back to his small town in Arizona.

In this scene, Ruth tells Pam about the voices and experiences she's had and Pam tries to help her make sense of it. In the book, the direct voice is a character from Ancient Egypt calling to her and I do not say if the supernatural events that occur are due to "God" or to "magic." It's open to the reader's interpretation.

At this point in the book, it's early, nothing obvious has happened yet, and Ruth and Phoebe don't know if Ruth's experiences are real or, as Phoebe suspects, all in Ruth's head. Pam doesn't know either but is inclined to consider it possible that God is involved.

I wrote the scene, my Jewish spouse thought it was fine, and then I showed it to my critique group. It was way off. I rewrote it some then showed it to a close friend who is an Evangelical Christian. Still way off. The problem is Pam's voice. I am not capturing how a Baptist (or any religious Christian) would express herself in this type of situation.

How do I portray this character with an authentic Christian voice? Both what she brings to the conversation (what is important to her) and how she expresses her thoughts and concerns.

Read authentic Christian voices

Find works written by religious Christians on religious subjects, and read them. These can either be non-fiction works, or stories with religious themes. Ideally, you'll read both. Try to find a variety of voices, and consider how the authors' other demographics (and their specific denomination) will affect their voices as well. (Works about non-religious matters by religious authors will also be useful, but the unique qualities of their voice may be harder to separate.)

When it comes time to create the character's voice, remember that they are more than just their religious identity - they need more to their voice than just the elements that you've identified as Christian.

Practice by writing from the character's POV, ideally in first person

The best way to fully master a character's voice is to dive into their head and tell the story from their point of view. Don't worry about the fact that this work won't make it into the final book, write it anyways. You can either write the scenes of your story that this character is a part of, or different scenes that are important to the character but unrelated to the story that you are telling, or even just a day in their life.

Keep writing until you feel like you understand their voice, and then return to writing your main story from it's regular POV, and you will likely find that when it comes time to add this character's voice in third person, it will come to you much easier, and stay distinct from the other voices.

In addition, diving into the character's head will probably deepen your understanding of the character and expand their personality, so that's a side benefit.

Perhaps the crux of the problem is you are thinking of Pam as a Baptist.

While I was in the hospital, I befriended a former missionary who had spent twenty five years in China. I made the mistake of referring to him and his wife as religious. She let it pass once, but on the second time she told me she was not religious - she and her husband were people of FAITH. Her emphasis, not mine.

She went on to explain that ‘religious’ was restricting and narrow, making it seem like she could be judgemental.

She went to church services regularly, but never considered it more than a simple conduit of faith. Her faith was not in her religion, but in her god.

Since knowing them and receiving that firm correction, I have been able to understand the occasional character I write who is of a faith - religion is a dangerous and contentious word. Faith is clearer, more pure and enduring.

Try Pam as a woman of faith who was raised Baptist.